Meter
04-20-2004, 03:39 PM
Posted by Stoffer (mailto: stoffer@darkenbane.com)
I know everyone will be disappointed to hear that I, Stoffer, Grand master of Destruction, Level President of Darkenbane, and Griefer Extraordinaire, is NOT in the WoW beta test. Why such an essential part of any test such as myself has not been offered a spot, goes beyond comprehension.
So, in a last desperate attempt, I will publicly post a new application, in the hope that a Blizzard employee checks by and thinks: ”omgwtf, GIVE THAT MAN AN ACCOUNT”.
Previous testing experience:
Tested (well stole a copy from their office might be more accurate) the 1996 Bulgarian illegal remake of ”super mario bros”. This only lasted for a month till the police heard of it, and the company was sued by Nintendo.
Tested dvd titles such as ”Grand Theft Anal”, ”Juranal Park”, ”Sir LanceALOT” and ”A Few Good Men” (last one was a mistake, obviously) for an adult movie studio i’m not allowed to mention on legal grounds. (Some shit about me being totally naked outside one of the models house, which is totally false since I had whipped cream on to cover my genitals and nipples).
Once got to drive my friends dads new Honda.
But that’s not all folks, once in the game, I will prove a premium tester:
It seems that everyone that got an account either betaed a Blizzard game before, or licked huge ass on the boards. Well, since I never betaed for Blizzard before, I am willing to suck so much ass that no one will be able to see where I end and Blizzard begins. I will start forum threads daily, with topics such as ”Omglol! Bliz r teh r0xx0r (asl inside PRZ)”.
I will spend ALL my time looking for bugs, writing suggestions for improvements and helping new players*.
*and look for cyber sex.
I will start spreading a rumor that Blizzard invented penicillin, spacecraft, poetry and is single handedly close to solving the crisis in the middle east.
Will tattoo the Blizzard logo on my chest, and we are not talking one of the small wussy ones, we are talking the entire chest. All my other limbs will be covered with the different races from WoW, gnome will cover my pensi for logistical reasons.
I'm being supported by "the guv" of California. Here is a picture of him giving me the official "thumbs up".
http://www.darkenbane.com/image/53772
So don't hesitate! invite me now.
I know everyone will be disappointed to hear that I, Stoffer, Grand master of Destruction, Level President of Darkenbane, and Griefer Extraordinaire, is NOT in the WoW beta test. Why such an essential part of any test such as myself has not been offered a spot, goes beyond comprehension.
So, in a last desperate attempt, I will publicly post a new application, in the hope that a Blizzard employee checks by and thinks: ”omgwtf, GIVE THAT MAN AN ACCOUNT”.
Previous testing experience:
Tested (well stole a copy from their office might be more accurate) the 1996 Bulgarian illegal remake of ”super mario bros”. This only lasted for a month till the police heard of it, and the company was sued by Nintendo.
Tested dvd titles such as ”Grand Theft Anal”, ”Juranal Park”, ”Sir LanceALOT” and ”A Few Good Men” (last one was a mistake, obviously) for an adult movie studio i’m not allowed to mention on legal grounds. (Some shit about me being totally naked outside one of the models house, which is totally false since I had whipped cream on to cover my genitals and nipples).
Once got to drive my friends dads new Honda.
But that’s not all folks, once in the game, I will prove a premium tester:
It seems that everyone that got an account either betaed a Blizzard game before, or licked huge ass on the boards. Well, since I never betaed for Blizzard before, I am willing to suck so much ass that no one will be able to see where I end and Blizzard begins. I will start forum threads daily, with topics such as ”Omglol! Bliz r teh r0xx0r (asl inside PRZ)”.
I will spend ALL my time looking for bugs, writing suggestions for improvements and helping new players*.
*and look for cyber sex.
I will start spreading a rumor that Blizzard invented penicillin, spacecraft, poetry and is single handedly close to solving the crisis in the middle east.
Will tattoo the Blizzard logo on my chest, and we are not talking one of the small wussy ones, we are talking the entire chest. All my other limbs will be covered with the different races from WoW, gnome will cover my pensi for logistical reasons.
I'm being supported by "the guv" of California. Here is a picture of him giving me the official "thumbs up".
http://www.darkenbane.com/image/53772
So don't hesitate! invite me now.